Friends
Title | Friends |
---|---|
Artist | Doug Anthony Allstars |
Album | Dead & Alive |
Release Date | 1993 |
Description | ? |
Lyrics | [TIM Spoken: What's the difference between having sex with an English person, and having sex with a dead person?] [AUDIENCE Spoken: Nothing] [TIM Spoken: You need less alcohol for a dead person] [RICHARD Spoken: We'd like now to do our last tune for this evening, to leave you with a song in your heart] [TIM Spoken: A song in your heart. And let's just pray quietly while we're still happy that there's nothing else there, for example a build up of fatty tissue the size of a golf ball, which possibly could stop your blood from flowing and kill you within seconds, okay? Also a quick reminder, while were still all up and happy and peaking: cerebral palsy, it's a silent killer. And just keep that in the back of your mind, about there's a good place] [PAUL Spoken: And while we are having a chat about it. Uh, multiple sclerosis, "MS" as they call it. Uh, you can be a... a great ballerina, or a classical cellist at the... at the, you know, the top of your career then suddenly, one day out of the blue without fucking warning: Whack! Your whole life's fucked. Um, brain haemorrhages, uh, brain aneurysms, heart palpitations, all these things. Uh, some of them can't be traced, especially the old brain haemorrhage. You could be sitting at home one day, just having made love on a... an early sleepy Sunday morning, sun could be streaming through the window, and then without warning: Pop goes a vein in your head! Thwack! You're both dead, nothing you can fucking do about it. Goodbye, world] [RICHARD Spoken: Um, also, be careful at the moment cause there's a very nasty cold, uh, going 'round at the moment so watch out when you're getting on the tube, its very nasty, I've got it myself and it's very chesty] [PAUL Spoken: Yeah. And, uh, I just want to say one last word to everyone. I know there has been a lot of pain in the room tonight, but everyone out there, we can be friends, And that's the important thing isn't it? Friendship] [TIM Spoken: You know, a wise man once said, "Never judge a book by its cover... always read the whole thing in the bloody book shop then decide if you wish to purchase it." A friend of mine was judged, he was a bit of a dirty book, he was a necrophiliac who killed his partners, is that wrong? You see...] He was quiet, he was shy A stay-at-home sort of guy Someone you'd trust your sister with He had a twinkle in his eye Yet, they said he was psychotic They called him psychotically disturbed They said he was mentally unbalanced They called him a schizophrenic mass murderer With severe fractious personality disorders They used their jargonistic words So, he killed and mutilated? (So what?) Served his victim on a tray But Dennis Nilsen was my friend, okay? (Okay) Tuesday nights we'd go out bowling And he'd blow those pins to hell He'd watch what he'd eat And it watched him as well You might also like[TIM Spoken: "Coochie, coochie coo. Time to go to sleep"] He was my friend, a friend We can all be friends If we just let a little hurt between us mend Sing it loud, now [RICHARD Spoken: Let me tell you about my friend, boys] I met him at the circus He was hiding in the dark Pulling funny faces Making people laugh Yet they say he was a freak They say he was genetically deformed Should have sold his body to science The minute he was born But he'd just smile and say [RICHARD Spoken: "*Slurp* *Slurp* I think you've all been very kind"] Yes, yes. John Merrick, the Elephant Man Was a friend of mine [PAUL Spoken: Why doesn't that come as a big fucking surprise?] And we'd all go out on blind dates Hessian bags over our heads We never slept like normal kids No, we'd sit straight up in bed He was my friend, a friend We can all be friends If we just let a little hurt between us mend He was a painter, quite artistic He had that suave panache A tasteful brown shirt A cute toothbrush moustache He loved his German Shepherd And walking by the babbling brook And watching blond haired, blue eyed children Setting fire to their books Yet they say he was a monster The leader of the Reich Adolf Hitler, he was my friend Alright? (Alright) And he'd love to go out dancing Really dug the human league And that song by Alice Cooper "Only Women Bleed" He was my friend, a friend We can all be friends If we just let the little hurt between us mend Sing it loud, now Friends (Friends) Friends (Friends) We can all be friends If we just let the little hurt between us mend Friends He killed ten million of the petty bourgeoisie But Joseph Stalin was a friend to me Friends Some say he shot the president, is that crime? Lee Harvey Oswald was a friend of mine Friends He was considered the scourge of eastern Europe But Genghis Khan was my good rocking buddy Friends She was cute her closes barely fit her But Myra Hindley was my babysitter Friends Charlie Manson never killed Sharon Tate He was "Lucky Chucky" to his mates Friends David Koresh never died in that fire He's our friend, our buddy, our messiah Friends Jack the Ripper gave his heart to me Friends Idi Amin and I played quoits Friends Margaret Thatcher was a pitcher, not a catcher Friends Norieger was a friend of mine Friends Pol Pot was a friend of mine Friends Pinochet was a friend of mine Friends Michael Jackson was a friend of mine Woo! Friends [PAUL Spoken: Woah!] [TIM Spoken: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Michael Jackson?] [PAUL Spoken: Woah!] [TIM Spoken: Time! Time! Time! Time! What the—?] [RICHARD Spoken: I just think he's very talented] [PAUL Spoken: You push, you fucking push until you get some sort of reaction from people!] [TIM Spoken: Good taste, bad taste! You push the fucking line every time!] [PAUL Spoken: I'm, uh... I'm sorry about that. If people found that line about Michael Jackson offensive, there. Um, let's just look at it logically for a second there, Rich. You and Michael Jackson, best friends, right? The only other friends he's got in the world, right, are a chimpanzee and a gazelle. That's you, a chimpanzee and a gaz— Yeah, that sorta makes sense] [RICHARD Spoken: *Gasp* You're just jealous because he's taller that you, and whiter, and nicer] [PAUL Spoken: Yeah, don't point. You do not point, it's fucking rude to point, don't fucking point!] [RICHARD Spoken: And a better human being. No, mummy. Don't put knitting needles in my ears, mummy.] [TIM Spoken: Stop] [RICHARD Spoken: No, mummy. Don't put knitting needles in my ears, mummy.] [TIM Spoken: Stop] [RICHARD Spoken: Mummy don't put knitting needles—] [TIM Spoken: Stop!] [RICHARD Spoken: Oh... oh] [TIM Spoken: Can't we love one another? Even Oedipus had a mother!] Friends, friends We can all be friends [TIM Spoken: Everybody clap your hands, clap your hands for all the children in the world] If we just let the little hurt [TIM Spoken: Let's share this moment forever, nobody can take it away] Between us mend Sing it loud, now [TIM Spoken: No-one will take this moment away] Friends (Friends) Friends (Friends) We can all be friends [TIM Spoken: Stop clapping] If we just let the little hurt [PAUL Spoken: Bloody Richard fucked up the song again] [TIM Spoken: Can you leave Richard alone for five seconds?] [PAUL Spoken: Aw, fuck Richard!] [TIM Spoken: I do. I just tell him we're moving the furniture 'round the house] Between us [PAUL Spoken: That's funny cause, uh, I tell him we're taking his temperature] Friends, friends, friends, friends Let's be friends [AUDIENCE Spoken: Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! Allstars! *Cheering*] [PAUL Spoken: Hope there's such a thing as reincarnation, you'll come back as a fucking car alarm. I don't know what you're fucking laughing at you're one of the ugliest people here and you still haven't fucking gone. Look like the sort of guy that wouldn't get out of the bath to take a shit] |