Mommy Dearest
Title | Mommy Dearest |
---|---|
Artist | Doug Anthony Allstars |
Album | Dead & Alive |
Release Date | 1993 |
Description | ? |
Lyrics | [PAUL Spoken: I didn't mention my mother before, but, uh, I'd like to do that now. My mother and I never really got on much because, uh, she died in childbirth... which is something she always fuckin' held against me, y'know? Remember that I had the boys around for dinner the other night, had some lovely roast duck. And just in the middle of the roast duck mum said, "Mother killer! Mother killer! Mother killer!" Which fuckin' brought the whole tone of the evening down. She didn't even like me when I was a child. She used to give me to the next-door neighbour to breastfeed... and he was a man. So this song goes out to all the mothers in the audience tonight, every single one of them. And it goes out to any woman in the audience, tonight, that thinks maybe one day she will become a mother. And it goes out to any woman in the audience tonight who may become a mother, later on this evening. Matter of fact, it goes out to anyone in the audience who was ever born of a mother. Which fuckin' rules you out, you ugly bastard!] Hi Ma, I've come back home 'Cause I don't like this world we live in For all my faults and failures Please tell me I'm forgiven I want my old womb back My cosy cubby-hole I want to be your child again Before I get too old Mummy dearest, mother mine It's me your baby boy I know what's lacking in your life That old maternal joy So let's boil up some water No need to get a nurse It'll be just like the virgin birth But only in reverse Mummy dearest, mother mine It's me your only son Freud would have a field day Trying to understand this one Let's have a natural re-entry Most doctors say it's easier But I've brought a butchers knife Just in case you want a Caesar [PAUL Spoken: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Blood, Mother! Blood! Blood! Epidural! Epi— Sorry that's just for me] It's not some old wives' tale Or some unfortunate wisecrack But you could use some extra weight And I need to take a nine-month nap And I've been good, I've been good Now I deserve a small reward Don't want my birthday suit I want to wear my umbilical cords You might also like[PAUL Spoken: You know, the ones with the jumbo flare with the spot of blood around the cuff?] Mother dearest, mother mine Look what the stork brought back I don't want no damn bunk bed I want my foetal sack I was a sad and lonely child I wish that you'd had twins And if you can spare the room, Ma I'd like to bring some friends Mother dearest, mother mine It's me your pookie bear I don't want to hurt you Or soil your underwear 'Cause you're my guru, my Ma My host, my home, my mentor We could have a three course meal If we boil up the old placenta [PAUL Spoken: Finger lickin' good, Ma!] |